Post by russktm on Oct 15, 2007 18:12:45 GMT 1
CONTACT lens wearers. Keep your eyes snug and warm this winter by adding a few drops of chilli sauce to your cleaning solution.
Garry Kidwell, Stoke
OLD PEOPLE. Save having to get a flu jab each year by not queuing outside the Post Office every Tuesday morning in the pouring rain an hour before it opens. They won't run out of money. It's not like the queue outside the butcher's during the war.
Sarah puddings
DRIVERS. Save money by putting much larger wheels on the back of your car. That way you will always be going downhill, thereby saving on fuel.
Annoy your next door neighbour by buying a TV the same as theirs, then stand in their front garden with the remote and flick through the channels while they're watching a film.
Avoid chip pan fires by hanging a plastic bag full of water above the pan when cooking. If a fire starts the heat will pierce the bag allowing the water to extinguish the fire"
R Simmons, Bolton.
"Please ignore previous tip"
R Simmons, Burns unit, Bolton general hospital
Pass yourself off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly, or set fire to someone else's house.
Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead
When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.
A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Garry Kidwell, Stoke
OLD PEOPLE. Save having to get a flu jab each year by not queuing outside the Post Office every Tuesday morning in the pouring rain an hour before it opens. They won't run out of money. It's not like the queue outside the butcher's during the war.
Sarah puddings
DRIVERS. Save money by putting much larger wheels on the back of your car. That way you will always be going downhill, thereby saving on fuel.
Annoy your next door neighbour by buying a TV the same as theirs, then stand in their front garden with the remote and flick through the channels while they're watching a film.
Avoid chip pan fires by hanging a plastic bag full of water above the pan when cooking. If a fire starts the heat will pierce the bag allowing the water to extinguish the fire"
R Simmons, Bolton.
"Please ignore previous tip"
R Simmons, Burns unit, Bolton general hospital
Pass yourself off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly, or set fire to someone else's house.
Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead
When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.
A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
