Post by tonkatoy on Feb 28, 2007 23:04:47 GMT 1
VOODOO PENIS
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew
his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive,
so he thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep
her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that
sold sex toys and started looking around for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his
situation. The old man said, "Well, we have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except---" and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing,
nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this,
butt here is The Voodoo Penis." "So what's up with this Voodoo
Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay
an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn
deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But
you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to
the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook
wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the
middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return
to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there
quiet once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The guy took it home to
his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was
say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch." After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was
unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She
undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch! The
Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely
Incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three
mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had
enough. She tried to pull
it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting She tried and tried to get it
out!, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell
her how to shut it off Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if
they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive,
quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly
intense orgasm made her swerve all over
the road A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked
for her license, and then asked how much
she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I
haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo
Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!" The officer
looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right...
Voodoo Penis, my ass.
The rest is history. ------
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew
his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive,
so he thought he'd better buy her a little something to keep
her occupied while he was gone. He went to a store that
sold sex toys and started looking around for something special to please his
wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his
situation. The old man said, "Well, we have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except---" and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing,
nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this,
butt here is The Voodoo Penis." "So what's up with this Voodoo
Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay
an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big damn
deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But
you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to
the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook
wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the
middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return
to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there
quiet once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The guy took it home to
his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was
say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch." After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was
unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She
undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch! The
Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely
Incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three
mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had
enough. She tried to pull
it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting She tried and tried to get it
out!, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell
her how to shut it off Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if
they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive,
quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly
intense orgasm made her swerve all over
the road A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked
for her license, and then asked how much
she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I
haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo
Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!" The officer
looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right...
Voodoo Penis, my ass.
The rest is history. ------