Post by tonkatoy on Dec 21, 2006 0:36:37 GMT 1
Subject: Essex Hurricane
A major hurricane (Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8
on the
Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours of yesterday with
its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around
aimlessly,muttering "faaackinell"
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30
worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and
the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic
burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before
their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused
and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident
Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a
shock,my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through
it all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next
morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime were
unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross
has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the
area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have
found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit
books, burberry scarves and Bone China from Poundland.
*HOW CAN YOU HELP?
*
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels
for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks
-- Gold chains and rings
-- Rockport boots
-- White plastic stilettos
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all
the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave meals
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
Every 22p you donate buys a biro for filling in the
compensation forms
2 quid buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family
of 6
5 quid will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm
the nerves of those affected. 10 quid will replace the precious jewelery lost
***Breaking news***
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in
raspberry alco-pop 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked,"I'm from
bleedin ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv
you?" ;D
A major hurricane (Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8
on the
Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours of yesterday with
its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around
aimlessly,muttering "faaackinell"
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30
worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and
the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic
burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before
their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused
and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident
Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a
shock,my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through
it all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next
morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime were
unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross
has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the
area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have
found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit
books, burberry scarves and Bone China from Poundland.
*HOW CAN YOU HELP?
*
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels
for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks
-- Gold chains and rings
-- Rockport boots
-- White plastic stilettos
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all
the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave meals
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
Every 22p you donate buys a biro for filling in the
compensation forms
2 quid buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family
of 6
5 quid will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm
the nerves of those affected. 10 quid will replace the precious jewelery lost
***Breaking news***
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in
raspberry alco-pop 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked,"I'm from
bleedin ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv
you?" ;D
;D
